Originally published in The Newnan Times-Herald, read here.
I was invited to participate in a training program at my church on how to help and properly respond when someone asks for or reveals they need help.
A section within the training discussed “The response of a pilgrim versus the response of an expert.” The premise is that a pilgrim, by definition, will journey with you to help, whereas an expert is quick to tell you what you need to do and move on.
While there are appropriate places for an expert opinion, I find that in life and business, quick expert advice is often shallow and impractical. Not because the provider lacked intelligence; rather, the problems of life and business require far more insight into their depth and breadth to truly bring about sustainable and desired change.
Let’s look at this a little further.
During a client meeting, and just after the “Hello!” and “How have you been?” I listened to a long list of, “You will not believe what happened … we had these series of recurring problems … the employee challenges seem to never stop,” and this list of topics continued. Without interruption, I listened in curiosity as to how this would end. After about 10 minutes, I think my client began to realize that I had not said anything.
The stories abruptly came to a stop in the middle of my client’s description of another perceived issue with the statement, “Sorry to ramble about all of this, where should we start today?”
Enter the trusted advisor, the pilgrim who will come alongside you and walk or run, if necessary, to help you find or stay on safe passage. The pilgrim is easy to spot because they frequently use “we” versus “you” as they climb into the foxhole with you. This is a question we ask ourselves in the military: Who can I trust to be in the foxhole with me if all hell breaks loose?
Contrast this with the expert. They are easy to hear. They are quick to provide all types of solutions and opinions as to how and why this is happening to you as they look down on you in your foxhole. You are also likely to hear all about what is going to happen if you do not fix the problem immediately as they perceive the enemy advancing on your position. Once an expert has taught you everything they think you need to know, exit stage right.
Think of your life and the challenges you are facing. Who do you seek outside wise counsel from? Are you surrounded by pilgrims or experts? As you advise your family, friends or co-workers, do you act as a pilgrim or expert? The answer to this question can radically improve your value to others and life’s relationships. There is wisdom when traveling with a pilgrim. Who will you be today?
The Times-Herald welcomes Newnan resident Scott Lackey as a new columnist. Scott is a U.S. Army veteran, Ironman finisher, business turnaround leader, CSO at Blickle, and author and speaker based in Newnan. Scott writes about resilience, purpose and rebuilding when life changes without warning.
